The Apostle Paul asked a similar question, and the answer he received was no more satisfying: “My grace is sufficient for you”.
I don’t know the answer to these questions, and maybe I don’t need to know. As C.S. Lewis in one of his Narnia books quotes the Lion, “I am telling you your story, not hers. No one is told any story but their own.”
True, and the “why” of our own stories is often not known until we look back on them. It is only then, after the moment, that we will be able to understand the “why”.